I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
