i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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