Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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