I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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