She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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