I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize