you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we're so committed to being not committed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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