The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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