So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
