I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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