Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
