You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize