It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
