Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
