Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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