I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
from now on my penis is your penis
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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