I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
