I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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