I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
