Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
