Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
