Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
