I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
