I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
