I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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