I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
