i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
