I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
