it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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