i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
