I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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