I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
