Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
