It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
