the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
