Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We need to get me chipped asap
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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