Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize