i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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