if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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