nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
