Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
