so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
