i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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