I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
