dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
