can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize