I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
