Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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