I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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