So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
