I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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