just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
