Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
