I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
