How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
