I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
