Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
