Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I will be naked everywhere
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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