You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
