Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
