I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She is in my trunk
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
PANTIES FOUND
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