why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
