I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
