I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
sex in a hospital.. check
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
