I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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