so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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