Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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