WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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