i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
