my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
