How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
