if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
