They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
