I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
