Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
we're so committed to being not committed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize