Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need water and some morals
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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