Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
