I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize