We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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