I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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