Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
