can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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