I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
