census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize