I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
