Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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