he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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